Poor People Unite
by KatieMacLove
Summary: One-shot! Quinntana! Drunk Quinn and Santana talk about the government, buying a penis, and birth control.


**A/N: I dont own anything. Glee is not mine, characters are not mine. I'm not bashing the government because honestly I haven't been paying any real attention to the news. Dirty talk cuz i have a dirty mind. _These are thoughts. _ I'm a new writer so please rate and review! :)**

**~Kay**

Poor People Unite!

**Quinns POV**

We were at out weekly Gleek Meet and it was Puck's turn to choose where to meet. We ended up in some ratty ass karaoke bar that should probably have its license revoked. Even though the décor was horrible and from the fifties, it had homey warmth to it. I dragged Santana with me while she protested going in as soon as we turned in.

"Quinn! I'm not going in to Berry's hobbit hole from Meet The Fucking Robinsons! Let me go damn it! I swear I will go all Lima Heights on your ass Fabray!" She continued to struggle for a beat then let her body go dead weight against me, almost knocking both of us down.

"Santana get your skinny ass off of me and go inside or you will be cut off for a month." She ran ahead and opened the door for me. I knew she was looking forward to going as much as I was, she just didn't want to admit it. Plus she didn't want to be cut off.

We walk inside and greet our friends and Puck pays for the first of many rounds.

**Three Hours Later **

All my shit is fuzzy and I think Puck's Mohawk is moving. Rachel's talking about winning somebody named Tony, but I can't be too sure. Santana's beining to cry about something that Lauren said. Probably something bout her ass being flat again. Her ass is perfect. If her ass was flat, so was the world. Can I get and Amen? "**AMEN!" **_ooh shit, I said that out loud! _

I being to laugh while Mercedes says "Are you gonna preach, Quinn?" She wobbles towards me. "You should cuz there's no way I'm gonna be able to go to church tomorrow and look my pastor in the eye after all the thoughts I'm having about that fine piece of white chocolate over there!" her eyes avert to somewhere on the side and glaze over before she walks over to Tina and starts laughing bout something. Maybe it's about Asians. I would laugh too cuz it looks like Tina can't see but I know she can.

I'm too drunk for this shit…

Tana calls me over to the bar where the tv is turned to the news. They're talking bout Obama and birth control. I don't need none cuz San doesn't have one… I should buy one for her.

"Tana we need birth control cuz I'mma buy you a dick." I tell her. She looks over puffy eyed and smiling.

"You're buying me a dick?! I've always wanted a penis!" She tackles me into a hug and starts peppering my face with kisses. She stopps aburtly and looks at me with her bottom lip trmebling. "Quinn." She whines.

"What, baby? Why did you stop? Are you about to cry? No, don't cry!" I pull her into a hug. "Do you want some big girl juice?" She shakes her head and lets out a sob.

"What's wrong Tanna?" She leans back and looks me in they eye and says as seriously as possible, "They won't let me have birth control cuz the gov-gover-_Hic-_ment said so." She begings to sob hard core.

_Shit, I have to fix this!_

"I'm not sure what they said on the news cuz I can't feel my pinky, but I promise we will get birth control so I can buy you a dick. I think they are being mean because we are poor and sometimes have to eat Ramen Noodles for breakfast." I tell her as I rub her back.

"Are you telling me, Santana Diabla Carmen Lopez, that they are mean cuz we be poor?! I can't have a dick cuz we're poor?! I'm finna go al Lima heights on they ass!" She looks around with her eyes narrowed and tear tracks drying on her face. _Damn, she's sexy. _

"Quinn, I'mma build and army against them." She says in a whispery spy voice. _Ooooh! Uniform sex! _

Suddenly, she stands up and gets on the bar, a little wobbly, but she makes it.

"ATTENTION, BITCHES!" the gleeks freeze. 'Cedes stops dry rubbing a white guy I found out to be named Trevor. Britt stops swinging her stop mid swing, leaving her arms in the air and her duck bra on full display. Rachel stops throwing bills and groping at Britney with a glazed doe eyed deer in headlights look. Kurt stops with his hands halfway up Sam's shirt and Puck stops mackin on the bartender. I can't find Tina and Mike…. _Gross. _

"POOR PEOPLE UNITE! WE BE GETTING BIRTH CONTROL FROM THE GOVMENT SO ME AND MY BABY WON'T BE HAVING NO BABY WHEN I GET ME A DICK!" Santana throws her arms in the air as she talks into the broken karaoke mic. Basically, it's just her yelling.

_Oh, my God, she has no shame! _I get red in the face, adding to my already flushed appearance.

"WE NEED AN ARMY TO OVERTROWN THE GOVMENT! THEY ARE VERY MEAN PEOPLE! BECAUSE OF THEM, MY DICK WON'T BE GETTING WET CUZ I CAN'T BUY ONE WITHOUT BIRTH CONTROL!" She yells as she beings to cry again. I kindly ask Sam to help me get her down cuz this is makin me wet thinkin bout her dick getting wet.

_I gotta get birth control so she can have a dick._

We get her down and as we walk towards the door, I yell, "POOR PEOPLE UNITE!" _ I need to get home fast! _


End file.
